Aug 22, 2004

What life we suppose to live in?

Hey, waddaya know.. Such a day dreamer...Just to kill some time before I go back to sleep and continue studying. It has been a hectic holiday since I have to study for my midterm examinations. Since I am having some stress with my exams, my sense of judgement towards the post I am holding for the society that I'm joining is also 'almost' at stake. Thank goodness I have some supportive excos and of course my advisor.

Right after the 2nd KLCC meeting, I was beginning to question myself in holding the post as one of the exco of the society. One thing because I was not really happy with what I am doing and begining to feel so dread with it. Due to the fact was because I was so paranoid with almost everyone in the council. I have so much delusions of the Presidents not wanting to commit themselves to KLCC since some of them still couldn't see the relevance in KLCC. I can see it but how can I deliver it to them? I felt like some kind of madwoman preaching while the rest just look in awe and probably just forget what said the next day. That is the sort I fear in almost every meeting. Then, I begin to question whether I am happy with the post I'm holding. I usually heard that if we experience unhappiness and no meaning on whatever we're doing, probably we're not meant for it. Probably that is not God wants us to do? It is hard for me to find meaning in this predicament.
So what now? I begin to reflect back when I took position in CSS. Yes, I did feel quite dreadful joining the CSS at first because it effects my focus of study and added more stress in my head. But as time goes by, things changed its course. When it is almost at the end of my term as a CSS Exco, I begin to appreciate what I had done during the past few months. In the end, I felt such unspeakable joy in my heard and most of all, I felt so dedicated to continue. It went on until I finished my 4th year course in UKM. What stopped me from quitting was that I took such dreaded things as a challenge, if I stopped, then there is no difference with other people who easily gave up. Plus, if I stopped, then there is nothing to believe in CSS.
At that time, most people may say that life is such a pain being involved with CSS and so on but if your mindset remains positiveyou might see things the other way round just as I did last year. Netherless, now to experience such pain in KLCC in trying to bond the CSS councils and managing such difficult activities, the outcome will always be sweet. The more risk and pain you experience, the sweeter the taste in the end. Just like a good brand of wine. If the wine is not old enough, I don't think people would bother to appreciate it.

Well, I should thank God on the gospel reading for this Sunday for it has thought me that life is not always easy. Besides that, I realise the person who actually gave me such difficulty to decide and experience mistakes is the person who cares for me a lot. What makes us continue to hold on is not for the person only but for God and also to something we always believe in. I have my belief on KLCC. If KLCC brings goodness to the catholic students, then I should fight on what I believe in. If the others believe what KLCC can do, then they know what should be done.
p/s: KLCC means Kuala Lumpur Coordinating Council not Kuala Lumpur City Centre

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