On the second week of Advent, I joined a retreat with the WG friends to have a step back from the outside world. It was not exactly the same retreat that I experienced during my uni years but I it was just as fruitful (and maybe more) according to the situation and the condition that we're in.
Droplets of memories
During my meditation, I can only say that it was not really a happy sight. In fact, I see myself in desolation. Some painful memories had made me being a 'too strong', sarcastic, practical and no nonsense person. I didn't want to change because it's for self perservation. Most times, I just cheat myself (and others) so that I can be accepted by everyone. It sort like a delusion in life.
But then, during those quiet moments...while walking out in the cold breeze with the trees, I felt a little more human and free. Was I really myself or it was just a another wishful thinking? Well, I didn't really care at that moment. A certain joy at heart appeared because I'm alone with a divine being in a very calm manner. It was short but satisfying. Those short moments overuled the desolation and negative feelings that I had during one or two of my meditation.