Dec 9, 2008

A step back

I was lucky enough that this year that I managed to make the time to join the (WG) Wednesday Gathering. Eventhough it's considered the worst day of the week for me because of my unpredictable demand from my place of work, I manage to learn to have things under control according to my way. Partly, I learned work not suppose to control you but it's you who have to control your work. It took a lot of courage to make the time for something which is most important to you.

On the second week of Advent, I joined a retreat with the WG friends to have a step back from the outside world. It was not exactly the same retreat that I experienced during my uni years but I it was just as fruitful (and maybe more) according to the situation and the condition that we're in.

Droplets of memories
During my meditation, I can only say that it was not really a happy sight. In fact, I see myself in desolation. Some painful memories had made me being a 'too strong', sarcastic, practical and no nonsense person. I didn't want to change because it's for self perservation. Most times, I just cheat myself (and others) so that I can be accepted by everyone. It sort like a delusion in life.

But then, during those quiet moments...while walking out in the cold breeze with the trees, I felt a little more human and free. Was I really myself or it was just a another wishful thinking? Well, I didn't really care at that moment. A certain joy at heart appeared because I'm alone with a divine being in a very calm manner. It was short but satisfying. Those short moments overuled the desolation and negative feelings that I had during one or two of my meditation.
Singing Christmas Carols

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